I haven't blogged recently because I've had little to talk about. We are truly stuck in a rut with this whole laparoscopy business because there is nothing I or adorable wife can do except wait. But one can only do that for so long before it begins to wear you down. Doing nothing and getting nowhere is possibly the most depressing way of life because it is unfulfilled and frustrating. More so when the doing of nothing is through circumstance rather than choice.
Have you ever wondered, how much of my life is choice? How much of what you do on a day to day basis is what you have chosen to do and how much have you done out of necessity? Is it true that the more you spend doing things you have chosen to do the happier you are? Or is it simply the act of 'doing' that makes up happy? Perhaps it is just the feeling that you have contributed something to the world by your small actions in the given day that brings satisfaction. I am certain getting the balance right is essential. You need to have enough in your life that you have chosen to do, but enough randomness to keep you on your toes, your mind fresh and the challenges exciting.
When you have lost that choice to go out in the world and be part of the complex machine that is human civilisation, you have lost an integral part of who you are. We often define ourselves by our actions and when that is stripped away we can start to lose ourselves.
Waiting, waiting and waiting. It causes you to lose that focus, because you cannot plan, you cannot set goals and without them you can't achieve. What is life but a string of attempted achievements? You aim to learn to walk, talk, read, write, calculate, ride, drive, study, work, progress, raise, survive and grow old. Some you succeed, some you fail, new goals emerge, old ones fade, others merge. But they are essential for our well being. All this waiting, all this lack of choice, it is dispiriting.
But there are always those silver linings are there not?
Taking part in the endometriosis study (see the post 'A call to arms') is a positive and proactive way to make a difference. Rather than fear the process, or see only her own part of the picture, adorable wife held up her hand and said 'count me in'.
Through the power of Twitter adorable wife has found some wonderful friends who support and enrich each others lives and understand each others pain. This is something only one who is going through the disease can truly do, no matter how great your empathy. Who knows where these friendships could lead, but right now they are a true guiding light.
Through the trips to Oxford for the study adorable wife and her mother in law have really bonded. That's not to say they didn't get on well before, but this has served to strengthen and I suspect truly forge a deep connection that will mean that much more now.
And last, but certainly not least, and with a risk of becoming all sappy, I believe it has redefined our relationship, making us stronger, more loving and even more confident that ours is a love that will last forever.
And now it is clear that far from all goals and achievements being on hold while we wait for news of the operation date, adorable wife has put her name to a study that could one day help early diagnosis of endometriosis, has forged possible lifelong friendships, become a daughter all over again and shown considerable good humour in the face of adversity (if you know her Twitter account you'll know what I mean).
I can think of few greater achievements in life than these.
No comments:
Post a Comment