I am writer... read my roar!

I am writer, read my roar!

"What do you want to achieve?" I am asked.

Upon receiving my reply, the follow up question is "and how do you think you can achieve that?"

This is the hardest question to answer. It's easy to have dreams and goals. But making them into a reality is tough. It takes determination, patience, and a lot of help.

I've been sitting in Caffe Veneto in the high street with my health and fitness coach Sindy Matthews for a couple of hours and a lot of our discussion revolved around my ultimate desire to sell more books and make a career out if writing.

The crux of the issue, I admit, is my general inability to stand up and shout from the rafters. I am not a natural salesperson. I tend to play my skills down. If someone wants to sell me, so to speak, I will step up and do my best, but if no one calls on me I'll happily sit in the shadows and stay hidden.

Okay, I say 'happily' but that isn't an accurate use of the word. I mean it is easier for me to stay hidden, but ultimately I regret any missed opportunity to engage and network. I have blogged before about being shy, and this is still a handicap I battle with, something which clearly hinders my progression because I'm not pushing myself into the limelight. My natural reaction to compliments is to play them down, dismiss them almost. I've worked hard to accept them and thank the giver, and I'm certainly better than before. But that's getting noticed, not making myself known on purpose.

Consider you are in a hall watching a writer speak about their book. You love their work and you want to ask them a question. But your stomach knots, your chest tightens, and your pits begin to sweat. There is a chasm of doubt about to open up and swallow you whole. You don't put your hand up, though your question is good, and to ask a question is the whole point of attending.

That's what happens. It's illogical and my mind knows as much. My mind isn't worried, but there are physiological reactions that are hard to ignore. Essentially the body is prepping me for battle, but one the mind knows nothing about.

As I write this, Sindy has left with her hubby and I have been assigned some tasks. One is to approach certain people with the aim of instigating self-promotion. Get me out of my comfort zone. After all I'm good at what I do, I'm passionate and at work I can train large groups. I've done external training sessions without breaking into a sweat or feeling sick. Therefore it must be possible to overcome whatever fear that drives these irrational reactions. I guess at work enough people have told me enough times that they trust me and what I do and say that I now believe it myself.

Does it therefore boil down to self-belief? Certainly when I was younger I suffered from a severe fear of rejection and unconsciously pinned my hopes on people who were forever out of my reach and so unable to reject me.

Where that fear stems from I honestly don't know. I'm not even sure if it matters. The point is I've progressed a great deal since those days, so I know I can change for the better.

Today has proved to me that more than ever I am surrounded by people who believe in me more than I clearly believe in myself. That is hugely empowering. It makes me feel like I'm getting things right. That I'm making good life decisions and am surrounded by a great network of supportive friends, and of course, a truly wonderful, adorable wife!

With that sort of back-up what is there to fear? Nothing. Anyone who DOES reject me doesn't make a dent in my life or my support group.

This blog is my post-meeting mind cleanse and I have just concluded that there is one additional task I will assign myself...

Every morning I must tell myself I am a writer. I must affirm that I am a great writer. People like what I write and support me. I am worth promoting.

I am writer....this is my roar.